what good is gone when
I can still see, hear, call out.
what do I do.
stab myself in the eye
not to look at him no more.
jab cotton swabs in my ears
‘til they bleed so I don’t
hear his voice none.
chew so hard on my cud
I bite my tongue off.
I don’t want this big pain.
I want jabs. jabs. jabs.
like lightening in a summer sky.
intermittent. electric. 
or maybe better, a left hook.
blunt force trauma
that would take me out.

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